Monday, December 13, 2004

Monday Night Ramblings

Mmmmm, 64 slices of American Cheese. 64 . . .63 . . .
. . .2 . . .1 . . . none

Homer, did you stay up all night eating cheese?

I think I'm blind

Some random thoughts they be a coming across this old cranium

Women's shoes: Look, I don't usually notice women's apparel. I could spend an entire day conversing with a member of the opposite sex, and at the end of the day if you asked me what she wore, I would probably respond, "Ummm, black?" But a few days ago I looked down and noticed that this woman was wearing a pair of shoes that looked like something the Iron Sheik would wear, save the toes were straightened out. Several days later I looked down again - and mind you this has nothing to do with a foot fetish I may or may not have - and noticed a similar pair. I swear these things had points so sharp they could kill a man a la Single White Female.

Sure enough, several months or days of exhaustive examination, and this seems to be some sort of fashion statement. A cursory examination of women's footwear reveals that your modern woman likes to wear:
a) shoes with points several inches long, indicating that perhaps women are some form of elfin creature. Perhaps Liv Tyler wasn't really acting. (BTW, Return of the King out on DVD tomorrow/today).
b)something resembling bowling shows. I had a college friend who liked to wear a pair she swiped from a Long Island bowling alley, and now six years later they seem to be all the rage.

This indicates, well, I am not really sure. Perhaps nothing more than that women are fucking insane. But we all knew that already.

John McCain:Well it looks like the famed Senator (R-Media) is at it again, criticizing the Secretary of Defense for God knows what. It's been about a month since he has said something that ticked off the party, and the distant light of some camera began to fade, so he needed to say something outrageous. McCain of course has given new definition to the phrase "making love to the camera" over the past several years. Some think this represents a brave independent streak, and perhaps there is something to that. After all I voted for the guy in the New York primary back in March of '00. Of course I instantly regretted the vote - but unlike my dad, the schmuck I voted for didn't win (ah bless my father, he went to the grave knowing the last person he voted for was William Jefferson Clinton. At least he knew it was a mistake).

There's something to be said about Congressmen acting independently of the President, even if he is a member of their own party. Yet Senator Blowhard seems to take exceptional joy in sticking the knife in (now I know who they got for the back cover art of the The Final Cut). And yet the man can hardly be considered a RINO. After all, he's more hawkish than George C. Scott's character in Dr. Strangelove. One gets the distinct impression that if you said the wrong thing to this man you would instantly be greeted with the cool edge of a knife at your throat. He's also reliably conservative on social issues and is a budget hawk. So what is up with this man?

Perhaps this in ingenious ploy to sucker a bunch of moderates voting for him. Oh yeah, act like some maniac independent, but when elected throw the gauntlet down and say, "FOOLED YOU!!!"

Senator Rodham: Which flows nicely into my next point. While McCain is sucking up to the left, suddenly the Senator born and raised in Illinois, who attended law school in Connecticut, lived as the governor's wife in Arkansas, and then as the first lady in Washington, DC, and then finally somehow got elected to the Senate in New York, has positioned herself to the right of Pat Buchanan (and damnit I thought of that comparison before anyone else) on immigration "I am, you know, adamantly against illegal immigrants." Holy crap!!!!!!!! Even I only oppose illegal immigration. Evidently Mme. Hillary would have us round up all the brown-skinned people and have them sent through that machine they used in the Another Brick in the Wall Part Two video.

In all seriousness, this is all part of the "Hillary Rambo Clinton for President" campaign. Of course she has declared that she is undecided about 2008. Excuse me I have something caught in my throat, coughcoughhorsehitcoughcoughdamneddirtyliarcoughcough.

Ahhh, better.

But of course a Clinton campaign gears up the Democratic party to recapture the White House.

Why I love Bill Clinton: Which leads me to my final point. Mention the name Clinton around your average Democrat, and they reach a semi-orgasmic state. (Seriously, some people are now having trouble with their keyboards). Whether centrist or left-wing socialist, Democrats are united in their undying admiration for the man (and wife) from Hope. All this party needs is a dash more Clinton, and all will be well.

This, quite simply, baffles me. This is like a Met fan pointing to the Juan Samuel trade as the salvation of their organization. Let's recap. Democratic party BC (Before Clinton): 38-year majority reign in the House, 32 of which they also had a majority of the Senate. A super-majority of state governorships, control of most state legislatures, and majority status in party id in the electorate. Democratic party after Clinton: what I just said, in reverse. But more than that. We all know that the party has taken a bit of a hit since the golden age of Clinton, but more importantly, the liberal ideology has been left for dead.

Where is Hillary running? To the right. Why? Because she has not a snowballs chance of winning the White House otherwise. The best chance the Democrats have of winning back the White House is someone who proclaims, "I am, you know, adamantly against illegal immigrants." And at that your prospects are at best 50/50.

More deliciously, the hero of the Democratic party is someone who once boldly declared that "the era of big government is over." And it is to this that the left turns for their last shot at glory.

Of course the conservative movement could do better. After all, it's not very encouraging when the president declares that it is government's responsibility to act whenever someone is hurting. But at least we don't have to ritually cleanse ourselves after defending our man and/or woman.

So you see, there's reason to be optimistic about this life after all.


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